Gay India

I was recently surfing the web when I happened across a blog about Hyderabad. This particular blogger was upset because when visiting Hyderabad he couldn’t find a ‘gay scene’. He said, Hyderabad should get with it and realize the potential business they are losing due to the ‘fact’ that at least 10% of all expiates are gay. Here is the site if you are interested - http://aloniko.blogspot.com/2008/04/thinking-about-india-gay-scene-in.html

I mentioned this blog to some of my friends here in Hyderabad… we had a good laugh at the expense of this poor man and I believe the word ‘gaytarded’ was invented (later I found it was already a word in use in the urban dictionary).

I have many gay friends I love deeply… Some I would give one of my kidneys if needed (in my opinion this is the ultimate proof of love). At times I have wondered if I was married to a gay man (usually when watching him shop for clothes). I have the soul of a hippie and believe deeply one should be free to live and let live however they want as long as you harm no one… however this seems to be more of an American attitude. The Indian attitude is, do what everyone else has done before you and don‘t rock the boat… this may be more of an Asian attitude with extra respect for ancestors. When looking up travel blogs on India, you will see the word traditional values more often than in Republican speeches.

First let me clarify there is a difference between a traveling business person and an expat. Travelers are here for short periods of time, where as the expat becomes part of the community. Expats live here, their children go to the schools here, they shop for groceries here, make life long friends here, they pay taxes here, etc… And I would like to dispute the bloggers statistic that said at least 10% of expats are gay. I’m sure there are some… but I seriously doubt that 1 out of every 10 expats are gay.

With that cleared up… Why would a homosexual choose to make a home in a place where it is illegal to be gay? I know it is hard to believe that this could be even considered a law in the year 2008, but this is something that this blogger would have found out if he had done the simplest of web searches.

Here is a quote from Wikipedia: Sexual acts ‘against the order of nature’ (this is hard to write without smirking) remain illegal in India, though the government no longer seeks to prosecute adults engaging in private consensual homosexual acts. In recent years, the campaign to decriminalize homosexuality has strengthened.

So it’s illegal (sort of) to be a homosexual. And the police are known to be ‘slightly’ corrupt. This is another blog for another day, but I will summarize by saying they like to ‘make-up’ laws and you have to pay them fines (cash only don‘t expect a receipt) --- So nobody is going to open a gay bar, or have an openly ‘gay scene’ without paying the police a considerable amount of money.

Just because there are these laws it does not make a person of the gay variety less gay… as a matter of fact it is my opinion that there are more homosexuals in India than in America. (This is my humble and uneducated opinion I am not an expert… just a blogger.), India is insanely over populated, and I believe mother nature in her infinite wisdom has encouraged things to go more toward same sex partners. I also think this statement will make a lot of Indians mad as most (not all, I'm sure there are exceptions) still believe there is something wrong with being gay… Let me add to this by saying I don’t think there is anything wrong with being gay… If my son told me he was gay, I would be happy for him… I only want him to know true love and I don’t care if it is with a man or a woman.

Every single day I see men holding hands with men and women holding hands with women. This doesn’t make a person gay, but if you told those boys to hold the hand of a women they would shy away. If it feels more natural for you to show affection to someone of the same sex… you are probably gay. At the dance clubs men dance with men and women dance with women… I should also add here there are different ideas of what is considered obscene in India. An example would be a woman who shows her legs is considered looser than a woman who shows her midriff. I think it’s the opposite in most other countries… And I appreciate this attitude when it comes time for me to shave my legs.

The men tend to ride three to a motorcycle supposedly to save on gas money… At first it is a shocking sight, and it is hard to believe the man in the middle isn’t feeling some sort of inclinations. Again this is not a rare sight…

If that picture wasn’t gay enough for you, how about this one?

To be completely fair and report the full story… another uncommon sight would be an entire family of five or six people on a motorcycle or scooter.

Men and women mostly get married when their parents tell them to get married. There is very little dating involved. The parents arrange the marriage and the young adult children are forced to get married. I say forced because the majority I have seen go into it unwillingly. At first I thought this was a show of false modesty, but the longer I live here I see that it is truly a burden to get married for these people. Many times I have been told, “there is love, and there is marriage… the two don’t necessarily go together.

I recently heard a young man (18 years old) beg his mother that he doesn’t want to get married because the wife will bring too many bangles, lipstick and hair clips into their small crowded house. The mother of this ‘man’ was forced to marry an abusive man she hated when she was an ‘old maid’ at the age of 21. She had a son with this man and hasn’t seen him again for the last 18 years… she will arrange a marriage for her son, even though she was miserable with her arranged marriage.

Another friend of mine (24 years old) has been completely cut off and shunned by his family for refusing to marry. By doing this his family has made him homeless as it is virtually impossible to support yourself with only one salary when you are a blue collar casts (I made this term up… it means low income)… so he will reluctantly marry the woman his parents have chosen for him. I have known this man for quite a while now, and he has set off my ‘gaydar’ many times. Now he will marry, and have sex with a woman he doesn’t love or is attracted to… they will have children and he will ‘hang out’ with his friends when he is not working and hardly see his wife. When the children are in their late teens or early twenties my friend and his poor neglected wife will arrange for them to be married… and the cycle will continue. This happens quite a lot. I think it is embarrassing for the parents to admit they have a homosexual for a child… or maybe they think it’s just a phase their children will outgrow.

I guess this is probably my saddest and most controversial blog up to now… I really hope I haven’t offended anyone, but this is a touchy subject so the odds are I have pissed someone off. Remember this is a blog… not the New York Times. It’s one persons ramblings.