A New Year

It’s that time again…time to start with a fresh slate…time to overcome the failures of last year…time to make New Year’s resolutions.
I read this quote on another blog…”As the sun rises on a new day are you the person you want to be, are you leading the life you want?” (Sounds like the opening of a soap opera)
Here is a list of New Year’s resolutions for the sentimental person:
· Show my loved ones just how much I care
· Give back to mother earth.
· Have a spiritual break through.
· Learn something from everyone you meet.
· Count my blessings.
· Enjoy life more
· Help others

Typically, the New Year is a time to set new goals, and get a fresh outlook on what we want to accomplish for the year. Statistics show that the first few weeks we stick to our goals, then slowly go back to our old ways.
Here is my list of no fail New Year’s resolutions:
· Watch more T.V.
· Eat more pizza and fried foods
· Exercise less
· Gain at least 5 pounds
· Write less
· Be crankier
· Become a little less organized
· Talk more on the phone
· Play more on the internet
· Procrastinate more
· Don’t throw shoes at politicians

It’s always fun to go back and look at your past New Year’s resolutions and see how you have failed miserably. Here is a list of past resolutions I have made and broken:
· Lose weight
· Exercise everyday
· Eat healthier
· Be more patient
· Learn a new language
· Save money
· Learn how a car works
· Learn to break dance

Here is my list of expat living in India New Year’s resolutions:
· Don’t go bonkers when you get that call that goes “Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello…” (My record is 43 hello’s back and forth)
· To be less judgmental.
· Don’t sic my dog on the beggars at the stop lights…have car doors hooked up to tazer gun instead.
· Come up with an answer for when people ask me, “Why are you living in India?”
· I will find a way to make it seem less like bragging when I tell my friends and family all the great places I visit.
· I will stop asking my driver to take me to that place…you know…we went there last month…it’s on that street…
· Don’t use my x-ray strength high beams to get back at bad drivers
· I will not shoot the potato gun at the guard who blows his whistle outside of my house all night. Instead I will fill a water gun with sugar water…mosquitoes love it!

Here is my real list of New Year’s resolutions:
· I resolve not to click on the ‘remind me later’ button 12 times every time I start my computer.
· I resolve…to…get…my “…’s” under control.
· Figure out how to use my i-phone.
· Stop wasting time blogging and finish my book.
· I will spend some time with a neglected child…my own.
· I will volunteer less.

Here is a list of John’s New Year’s resolutions:
· I will get into the bathtub without my mother resorting to threats, bribes and blackmail.
· I will limit the time I play video games to 5 hours a day.
· I will not tease the dog by slowly and luxuriously eating my grilled cheese sandwich.
· I will stop hanging around girls…until they find a cure for cooties.

Here is a list of Scruff the Bungaram Kouka’s (Telugu for golden dog) New Year’s resolution:
· I will finally get that monkey that teases me with his tail.
· I will only beg for the food I would like to eat…no more begging for bannana’s and tomatoes only to find out that I still don’t like them
· I will stop barking at the garbage man everyday…after all it’s not exactly my garbage he’s taking. (Yes, garbage men come every day in India)

Whatever your resolution...I guess it boils down to being a better person this year than last year.

Cooking

So a British friend of mine told me that all Americans have this ridiculous notion that a conversation should start with the word ‘so’.

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So I was feeling creative today and decided I would like to make some Jamaican Jerk Chicken. I set up the ingredients in the kitchen so I could pretend I was a television chef…they always have their ingredients in neat little bowls set up for them…It’s obvious to me they are not the ones washing the dishes. It makes sense for them to do this because they can continue to face the camera and talk as there is no need to walk back and forth to the pantry or fridge.

So I have everything lined up and ready to go when John (my son) calls me needing some help on a math workbook he was working on. I went upstairs to help him. Meanwhile Vijaya came in (Vijaya is our cook/personal assistant/ nanny/ laundress). She sees the ingredients lined up in the kitchen and asks me what I would like for her to make? I told her I was out of practice and wanted to do some cooking on my own.

So I now have a sullen cook.

So there I was happily cooking and she kept looking at me out of the corner of her eye and making minor adjustments to everything I did. The pan was exactly 1mm to the left of where she felt it should be. The spoon I was using to stir the ingredients was the wrong size. The mixing bowl I was using was plastic and I should use the glass one. I should wear an apron when I cook. The flame was too high. I was not standing with my feet shoulder width apart and knees slightly bent…okay not the last one, but she did scold me when I fed a scrap to the dog.

So I had an epiphany… I have now changed Vijaya’s job title from cook-personal assistant-nanny-laundress to Mother-in-law! **

**Please note that I love my Mother-in-law and she would never behave this way.

Christmas in Hyderabad

Twas the night before Christmas and all through Hyderabad,
Traffic Noise was abundant, driving me stark raving mad.

The stockings were hung by the pooja with care,
In hopes they will be filled with trips abroad including airfare.

The maids had decorated the tree all merry and bright,
It was time to call the dog in and say good night.

My family was resting, snug in their beds,
While ceiling fans quietly spun over-head.

When outside in the fields there arose such a clatter,
I rushed onto the balcony to see what was the matter.

A thick blanket of white smoke from trash burnings filled the air
and gave off the strange smell of moldy horsehair

I had hoped to spy a vision of Santa Clause
Only to find a troop of honking auto rickshaws

The sky suddenly filled with fireworks
Over the fence a wedding party lurks.

With drumming and dancing all through the night
"Don’t you know it’s Christmas" I scream out with spite.

With the skies on fire would Santa come visit?
Would he see the danger and decide to skip it?

I know Indian weddings can last and last,
I asked the security guard to do something fast.

The guard leaves his fire protecting him from the chill
Goes to the fence and blows his whistle high and shrill.

The weddings, the horns, the dancing and drumming,
The beeps, the dogs howling, refrigerator humming,

Call to prayers, clanking engines, the sentry’s whistles,
Trains chugging, airplanes zooming, firework missiles,

I cry out to the sky smoky and hazy
The noise in this city is driving me crazy.

I lay in my bed ignoring the racket blues,
and finally dooze off for a nice long snooze.

In the morning I wake and can’t help myself,
I run downstairs...we’ve been visited by the jolly ol’ elf.

When what to my wandering eyes should appear?
Noise canceling headphones to wear on each ear.

The best present, gift or good deed!
Does Santa know exactly what I need?

I didn’t even ask… I’m really impressed.
Thank you Santa you’re the best!

To all my friends I say with delight,
Om on Earth and to all a goodnight!

Bus system in India

I love the how Earthwise Indians are...they are really doing something about the fuel crisis.
In most countries there are laws that limit the number of passengers on a bus, but in India there is no limit to how many can fit on a bus...I wonder what the record is?

When the bus is full on the inside the outside has handles so people can hang on for a breezy ride to their destination...and get an upper body work out at the same time.

It seems to me that most of the locals here in A.P. are non-violent...so whenever the government does something people don't like, they retaliate against the buses...and then they are stuck and can't go anywhere. Or maybe it's just a ploy to call into work? I think the result is that there isn't a lot of money spent on the upkeep of buses, and the buses have that not-so-new look about them.

If you have ever seen or experienced this you will love the link below...

http://www.theonion.com/content/radio_news/thousands_of_astronauts

Amsterdam

Hi! Welcome to Amsterdam.Our names are John and Scott and we will be your guides on this fantastic trip through this fabulous city.

Amsterdam is known for their delicious cuisine and love of mayonnaise.

Seafood and fresh vegetables are abundant in this moist city.

The canals are lined with beautiful row houses.

The canals have many different types of boats.

Here we see ships that look as if they belong to pirates...we took these pictures from our boat bus.

The canals and unique architecture make everywhere you look in Amsterdam a photographer's dream.

The boats that travel the canals are low so they can easily fit under the low bridges.

Did we mention that the people of Amsterdam love their bicycles. Along the streets there are bike paths that can be treacherous to cross.

The winter is a great time to visit Amsterdam. It's a little chilly but there aren't many tourists.

Boats and cars contend for parking.

This is one of our favorite houses... when we win the lottery (twice) we will buy it for ourselves.

This is Robyn, she has agreed to help us on this tour.

What handsome tour guides we make. I love the hazy winter scenes.

When the sun begins to set the streets and canals get cooler, what a great time to stop in a cafe for a cappuccino.

No wonder so many artists find Amsterdam inspiring.

I think that's Rembrandt's house... or maybe it was Gaugin, Monet or Van Goghs house?

We will now take a boat to the Rijks Museum to see a human skull with real diamonds glued all over it.

Maybe the real artists are the architects?

That concludes our first day in Amsterdam. We wait here at the doc for our boat to take us back to our hotel

...and wait.

...and take pictures.

...and wait.

Let's have some more coffee and milk while we wait.

Here are our hosts at the Hard Rock Cafe. They are standing next to signs with their names. Here we are posing for a picture...it's sometime hard to be so famous. Christmas scenes were everywhere in Amsterdam this time of year, but the Santa that comes to Amsterdam looks more like a Pope.

Cafe Hans and Grietja...the dutch love consonants.

Our hosts John and Robyn.

Robyn and John stirring the vort.

Proper little dutch boy and girl.

The new Heineken spokespersons.

Our host Scott with an itchy eye.

The view from our hotel Window.

Just like most Europeans, the dutch love football, they have recognized Scott's talents and have invited him to join the team...although they asked him to join the British team Manchester United.

The dutch have interesting furniture.

And they like to dance.

And drink beer.

And take Heineken tours.

Our tour guides run into a co-worker named the same name as one of their mothers... This is Donna Duncan and Scott singing it's a small world after all.

Goodnight Amsterdam...

Thank you for being so nice to us, and showing us such a good time.

We promise someday we will return.

Thanksgiving

I think the theme of this blog is America.
What holiday is more American than Thanksgiving and what place could be more American than Branson Missouri?

What food could be more American than fried cheese?

What could be more American than a mall Santa Claus?

What could be more American than an old fashion log church covered in Chrismas lights?

John wanted to go to this church because, "it is good to be churchful".

John showing off his desert for Thanksgiving dinner.

Spray whipped cream...yum!

John loved our Thanksgiving meal so much...he ate and ate and ate...then went to the bathroom and vomited... What could be more American than an eating disorder?

John with his cousin Sinjin.

My favorite weird American tradition...Black Friday. The day after Thanksgiving shopping at 4am.